Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
