PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
