mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
