A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
