I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
