I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
