Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
