Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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