the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
