That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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