apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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