Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
How external is "for external use only"?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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