i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
