alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
