My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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