Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
