At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
