why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
