My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
