just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
