I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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