The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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