dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
