I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
