Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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