dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
