Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
