I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
