as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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