we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize