whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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