I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
