So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
