im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
