We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
