God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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