The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
