You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
