Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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