So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
