You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
