I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
