I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
