I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
