she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
