ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
