The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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