we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
His hands were made for my vagina.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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