I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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