from now on my penis is your penis
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
