Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
