it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You made out with two different species that night
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
