Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
